Just letting it out...

I have not written in a while.
I am kinda stressed because I am waiting on Abercrombie to give me the answer on whether or not I have the job to be an assistant manager in training. I had my second interview today and I think it went well. This is the positive part of mylife right now!!!

I feel like I am not going anywhere in life right now. All I do is stuff around the house like the leaves and I clean. I want to move out. I need to get a job so that everything can just get better in my life. I hate being so dependent of my mom and other people.

Now what I really need to get out is that everything with Mitch is over and he is back with his ex boyfriend Matt. I am not really sure what he is thinking. Matt is not not a nice person. I went on a date with Matt freshman year of college and he did not like me because I would not have sex or fool around with him. Matt used to hit him and treated him so bad. The guy cheated on him six times. I realized that I am a good guy because everyine says that he screwed up. People say that we were good together and that I am such a sweetheart. And ya know what, I am. I am a nice guy. Also, I told Kyle how I really felt about him. I miss him, I like him and I would like to see what would happeen if we tried to make things work again. I believe that Kyle is different than Matt. Kyle is a much nicer person. Kyle just said ok when I told him on the phone. I did not expect anything from him, but he said nothing and left the conversation making me very unsure. I asked the net day what he though and I got that it will never work. It is time for me to move on to a better person. A person who does not hurt me, a person who does not leave me when I need them the most, a person that I know is real and not fake. I should have realized that when Kyle told me he loved me and the THREE weeks later breaks up with me that it was not true. I was lied to in the relationship the entire time. There should not be a third person always interupting the relationship in which there was when I was with Kyle (Julie). Ya know, I was listening to the sond Have Not Met You Yet by Micheal Buble and it is so right... I will find the person that is right. I do not want to be like fanily members who are alone. I am better than that and will be with someone great.

I also feel that I should not have graduated so early. I miss my friends and I have been so betrayed by people who I thought weremy friend. Thats another thing, EVERY person Kyle is friends with now is because of me. He does not talk to his friends that he had freshmen year. Kinda hurts me. I should be used to getting hurt so much. I have been hurt all my life.

Last night, I went to a guys apt to fool around. Thats it. We fooled around and I am pretty sure there will not be anything else between him and me. He was cute but, he does not kiss well and he is small down there. I guess it si normal to fool around so that my feelings for other people disappear.

Densie is also not tying to be my friend anymore. I feel like I have to do everything to make the effort for the friendship. I dont know... I just should stop. I dont know.... She likes her boyfriend and I will let her be happy with that for now. At some point she will realize...