It's time to defy gravity...

I believe that it is time to defy gravity. I am realizing right now that it is my time to show everyone in this world what I am made to be in this in life. I have worked so hard to be successful in MY life. But you know what I just realized... I do not need to worry about anyone, but myself for once. Who cares what people think of me and the people who are my real friends are Denise, Conk, Katie, Marie, Elaine and Jen. The show Glee(11/11 episode)made me realize how great people can be. Sue had a retarded sister and realized how important it is to give back. She gave a little girl that she teaches jump rope to, the chance to be on the cheer leading team. I think my friends would do anything for me. I am sitting here crying and I am not even sure why. I love my friends.
Once again, I feel alone, alone, alone in a cruel, cruel world. But, it is not so cruel as some people may think that it may be. There is a special GOD that watches over me everyday. He has a plan whether I agree with it or not. I thanks him for everything that he has done. I now have a job and the opportunity to grow as a person even more. He has let me defy gravity.
GOD has let me defy gravity by defeating depression. It is a serious disease and I had a few close to death situations, but I was able to over come the hardship. I was able to seek help and realize how important life is around me. I was able to realize that my loved ones would be upset if I was not here due to a self proclaimed death. I love the people around me. I worry about my friends and I appreciate the hard work they have done for me.

A few words

I had my doctors appointment today. He was happy to hear that I got my job! He noticed that my attitude was better and that I seemed a lot more happy than other times I have come to my appointments. We talked about a few things...1.) my meds 2.) my my new jon 3.) my mother and her bad habits and 4.) everything else in my life.

I called a place for a free estimate for new windows in our house today. They are coming on Thursday to measure and show the difference options. It was a good idea because you can get a $1500 tax write off the year. Our house needs them pretty bad because some of them are broke and rotted.

I feel that when something gets better in my life, something else gets worse. I mentioned this to my doctor today that I feel lonely even when there are people around. Everyone else around me has a significant other and I never get to spend one one with my friends any more. I know that someone will come my way, but I just have to be patient. I am not sure if Jeremiah is the person that I am suppose to be with... He is a cute and nice guy, but I need a sign...

I just wish there is more that I could do with my friends from Bowling Green. I miss them, but it is time for me to grow away from BG. Bowling Green was my old life and now... Abercrombie is my new life. I am maturing and it is time to go to the next step.

YAY!

There has been a lot since my last update.
I am feeling pretty good today! I have accepted a job at Abercrombie and Fitch as a Manager-in- Training last Thursday! This is opening a whole new point of my life. I hope to after Christmas move out and be on my own. I am so tired of depending on other people. This summer I have had such a hard time with life but, now everything seems better.

I have had so much happen to me in the past year that this should be the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that God had a reason for making me wait. The job that I was suppose to have would come, but I just had to wait. Thank you God for listening to my prayers. Tomorrow, I get to go to my doctors appointment and tell him the great news.

So, there is this guy that I have gone over to see twice and I am suppose to go over there tonight to hang out. I am not sure what he wants. I am not sure if he just want to be fool around buddies or he wants something more. And I have to ask my self... What do I want? That is the most important. I just got done with two idiots... so I should probably wait a while. He is cute and nice but, I am not sure if he could ever be more. He has already already asked me to go to the gay bar with him and his friend. I did not good because I went out with my friends instead. Tonight, him and I are going to drink and wine and just chill. It will be fun. I might as well have fun before I am a big boy next week!

Ya know, one thing I have been kinda iffy about myself is that I do not have any guy friends, besides Kyle N. but, he is in Spain for entire year and when he does come home he is in Columbus. When he does though I think him and will be able to hang out more and go to the clubs and what not.

I feel that I am so gay. LOL I put the Christmas trees up already and am working on putting the Christmas lights up already. I am starting early I guess when the weather is warm.

Ok, it needs to stop!

Alright, few topics tonight,first my annoying mother and second, the future and third, Densie...

Ok, my mom nees to realize that she needs to stay the hell our of my personal business. I am so tired of her thinking she needs to know about my personal life. It is none of her business. She does not have many friends, so she lives through me. It is so annoying. I dont get it... why does she need to feel included in my life. She thinks that because my friend invited her to her birthday that she is suppose to go. It was to be polite. A fifty year old woman at a twenty one year olds birthday is WEIRD! She should not be there... that is so annoying. Stay the heck out of my friends business and my personal life. I tell you what you should know. You do not need to know everything. Get the hint!!

I have not heard from Abercrombie and fitch today. I am not sure if that is bad or she(the DM I had my interview with) just needed more time. I think that when I do hear something it will be positive. I have worked so hard to get this job and I have had too many interviews with other companies that I think it is my time. Abercrombie would be a very good company to work for now and in the future. I was thinking about going back to school, but if I get this job it will be a little later. There can be so much for me in the future. I have to work for it and realize the competition with the economy. Now, in a different scope... Kyle. Him and I talked today, but I realized that I do not really like him the way I thought I did. It kinda has just gone away... He is not the person I thought he was and he wants to be able to screw around with whoever he wants in Bowling Green.

And lastly, Denise... I do not understand her lately. It hurts me that David has now come first. I mean I should expect that because he is her boy friend, but I am her best friend. I have been friends with her for 6 years. I don't know, maybe I am overreacting. Her and I never hang out any more and when I do talk to her she is always too tired to do anything. If her boyfriend asks her to do something, he does it, most of the time. I just miss my old bestfriend. The girl who was always there no matter what. The girl who did not make me feel like crap because I am not doing what she thinks I should do. I love her, but she is not the same person any more. I hope she realizes that I will always be there no matter what. I just want her to realize how she has changed.

Good Luck, Bobby

Just letting it out...

I have not written in a while.
I am kinda stressed because I am waiting on Abercrombie to give me the answer on whether or not I have the job to be an assistant manager in training. I had my second interview today and I think it went well. This is the positive part of mylife right now!!!

I feel like I am not going anywhere in life right now. All I do is stuff around the house like the leaves and I clean. I want to move out. I need to get a job so that everything can just get better in my life. I hate being so dependent of my mom and other people.

Now what I really need to get out is that everything with Mitch is over and he is back with his ex boyfriend Matt. I am not really sure what he is thinking. Matt is not not a nice person. I went on a date with Matt freshman year of college and he did not like me because I would not have sex or fool around with him. Matt used to hit him and treated him so bad. The guy cheated on him six times. I realized that I am a good guy because everyine says that he screwed up. People say that we were good together and that I am such a sweetheart. And ya know what, I am. I am a nice guy. Also, I told Kyle how I really felt about him. I miss him, I like him and I would like to see what would happeen if we tried to make things work again. I believe that Kyle is different than Matt. Kyle is a much nicer person. Kyle just said ok when I told him on the phone. I did not expect anything from him, but he said nothing and left the conversation making me very unsure. I asked the net day what he though and I got that it will never work. It is time for me to move on to a better person. A person who does not hurt me, a person who does not leave me when I need them the most, a person that I know is real and not fake. I should have realized that when Kyle told me he loved me and the THREE weeks later breaks up with me that it was not true. I was lied to in the relationship the entire time. There should not be a third person always interupting the relationship in which there was when I was with Kyle (Julie). Ya know, I was listening to the sond Have Not Met You Yet by Micheal Buble and it is so right... I will find the person that is right. I do not want to be like fanily members who are alone. I am better than that and will be with someone great.

I also feel that I should not have graduated so early. I miss my friends and I have been so betrayed by people who I thought weremy friend. Thats another thing, EVERY person Kyle is friends with now is because of me. He does not talk to his friends that he had freshmen year. Kinda hurts me. I should be used to getting hurt so much. I have been hurt all my life.

Last night, I went to a guys apt to fool around. Thats it. We fooled around and I am pretty sure there will not be anything else between him and me. He was cute but, he does not kiss well and he is small down there. I guess it si normal to fool around so that my feelings for other people disappear.

Densie is also not tying to be my friend anymore. I feel like I have to do everything to make the effort for the friendship. I dont know... I just should stop. I dont know.... She likes her boyfriend and I will let her be happy with that for now. At some point she will realize...

Another day has passed...

I have accomplished nothing today. I feel like a piece of shit.
I got a call from Abercrombie and Fitch asking for an interview with the District Manager. I am hoping I get this job. I would be a manager-in-training. I think I would do well as a manager and especially in retail. I have not had a job since I graduated from college. I have been so bored with my life.

I also received a call from AT&T for their Business Sales Program. I would be in Atlanta, Georgia for five months for the training then I think I get transferred. I think I could do that well too. I do not think I would do either for ever. I just want something to tie me over for a while and just to get some experience.

The bad news is I got an email for Millcraft about how they decided to choose someone else for there Logistics Liaison position. If these companies only knew what they are missing by letting me go and not hiring me. I know I am better than many of theses other people out there.

Now, if nothing works, I want to go back to school to get my masters in Public Administration. I would be doing government jobs and whatnot. I would have to go to school for another two years. If I go back though, I am going to go all the way for my doctorate. I would be going back to BGSU. I am not sure if this is a good idea, but I got my undergraduate degree there so it may be easier to get accepted and I can have an assistant ship.

I also want to just go a way for a little while. I am thinking I my go visit Kyle N. in Spain and not tell anyone. I just want to get a way and spend some time on my own thinking about life. I would be able to visit my best Friend and just have some time to feel better about myself. what would people do if I did this though? What if I just don't care?

8:22pm
Ok, I just went to eat dinner with my best friend Conk! It was gooooddd! She makes everything better. I told her about some of the things that bother me and somethings she agrees with me and some she does not. That's good though because she is able to tell me how she feels about situations and tells me what to do. That's what I need.

So, what do I do...?

Alright, I went to Bowling Green on Thursday to go visit the guy that I am dating, Mitchell. We have been seeing each other for about a month and a half now. I like him, but I am still having feelings about my ex. I know he has feelings about his ex too. But, to top the story off, two weeks AFTER Mitch and I started to see each other, both of our exs start to date. Both mitch and I along with other people think that they are doing it on purpose to find a way to get back at Mitch and me. I am still not sure what to think about the whole situation.

I like Mitch, but there are many things that seem to be a problem in the relationship to me. Ok, I still like my ex and he likes his ex. He has not said it, but I know it. The main issue is when Mitch drinks, he is not a nice person and he drinks until he does not know his name. I do not even like being around him and I try everyway I can to ignore him and get away from him when I realize he has gone pass his point. I have put up wi it and have said something to him FIVE times. The fifth time, this past weekend, I went home and I told him that we could not work with what was going on. He knows that he is really messing up, but I am not sure if he knows how to fix it. He was used to being treated like crap by his ex and he did whatever he wanted, but now things are different. I demand rspect in a relationship. I don't wanted to be treated like I am a piece of crap. When he drinks, he is a different person because he is mean and smetimes he can get physical. As I am writing this, he is sending texts to me tell me ow sorry he is, that he realized what he has done and how much he upset me numerous times. I kep looking at the situation by seeing the pros and cons. I know that he likes me and that he haa huge heart. He already cares about my feelings more than my ex ever did.

I think about my ex all the time. I do not want to tell him how I feel because I do not want to look like a pathetic idiot. i am not sure how he feels about me now either... I spent two years liking this kid and I really though I was going to be with him for a long time. Thee were too many things that got between us. I had some medical issues, which I later got made fun of by him, our friend Julie liked being the third wheel in our relationship and he did not get the concept of only two people are in a relationship. There was also some issues with his parents who just found out he is gay. They did not take it very well and walked all over him the entire summer. Now see, my ex gave me the answer that we both needed to just "work" on ourselves. I though this was true, but the more I thought about it and saw what happened I new he made that up. He wanted to be able to sleep around with people at BG without having to worry about a boyfriend. Within the first week f him being back at BG, he was fooling around with three people! GROSS! For some strange reason, I still like him. I still cannot believe that he is now dating Mitch's ex. Thats should top it off, but it doesn't.

When I am at a party wth Mitch and his ex is there, his ex likes to tell him how much he misses him, how he loves him and that he cannot believe that he is dating me. The best partis he says he is miserable. In a way I feel bad for me ex I also found out that his ex is on craigslist and that that he has cheated on my ex already. (I am trying not to use names).
There is just a lot that I need to think over. I am an unemployed, college graduated tweny one year old living at home until I can totally get my life together!